Monday, September 19, 2011


If only I am as lucky in all other aspects of my life as my academic life.

I am so grateful for these almost miraculous assistance from all walks of life.

I hope I will really do well and not let whoever that has render me such divine help down. Thank you all very much.

Maybe it is already destined that I should have chosen to focus on the academic route for this life of mine.

So so grateful... So so blessed...


I happened to stump upon this show - Miracle Detectives on Discovery Channel and after the first episode, I was hooked. The show in gist is about two investigators, a scientist and a believer, who travelled around the world in attempt to explain whether or not miracles are indeed work of God or just a case of good probabilities. In many ways, the show is almost like the reality version of X-files.

In one of the recent episodes, they were doing a feature on 911. Indra, the scientist who played the skeptic asked in a rather harsh manner (she always do), where is God during the 911 attack. If he existed, why is he allowing so many unfair death.

Then on the believer side, he interviewed this firefighter John Morabito who relates how he managed to avert death several times – the building collapsed while he was in it, but he was unhurt. He saw a lighted passage way and decides to follow it to get out. On his way out, the second building collapses and debris fall around him. Again, he escaped without a wound.

The most amazing encounter he had was when he was crossing the Brooklyn bridge. Half way walking through the bridge, he met a construction worker. The worker was told him that God has a bigger plan for him and he needs to tell his stories and keep memories of others alive. Once over the bridge, he met two police officers who were handing out water. He asked for an additional one so that he can pass it to his construction worker friend.

They looked puzzled and told him that they were concerned with what he is going to do as he had been staring at the sea for a very long time. All the while, they only saw him alone. There was no one else with him.

Who was that person who was with him? Was it God himself? Of course, this year was the ten anniversary of the fateful 911 event. Many channels were playing over and over again 911 remembrance show. By chance, I saw John Morabito recounting this particular part of experience on another channel while I was channel surfing.

Hmm… Is that a sign? So God has a bigger plan for everyone when he is putting us through pain? I am not so sure about this anymore. I have lost faith as with many things in my life. Why do I need to go through so much pain than others?

Why am I even here in this world, I sometimes wondered.

Two more days and I will be one year older. It is time for reflections again.

Will I be able to see the bigger picture at the end of the tunnel?

Spare me. Spare me from this monstrosity, please God.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


God, why am I in such pain?

What have I done to be treated like that?

What wrong have I done to be humiliated like that?

Does it never occurs to one that it will look very bad on me?

Or one never cares anymore and all one wants is to be free?

How can one be so sensitive before but yet so insensitive now?

How can I ever walk myself out of this thorny hedge?

I am bleeding in the heart again. Profusely this time round.

Will it ever heal…

Maybe blood will run out this time round…


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The future can't remember and the past doesn't forget

Stars shining bright above you. Dream a little dream of me.


Will you stand by me, little monsters?

你的啦 是我的啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦啦

I became a junkie for it, looking for the next high
I'm sorry I've been putting the search on the wrong place

當我痊癒了 可吃甚麼 我怎麼難習慣最低痛楚


前面的路也許真的並不太清楚 放心地走了以後 也許會覺得辛苦 
我發現 我有天經過你的身邊 找不到你的視線
別以為 我真的無所謂

What made me behave that way? Using words I never say
It's looking like a beautiful day

我也不想這麼樣 起起伏伏 都怪我太渴望得到你的保護

我已經把我傷口化作玫瑰 我的淚水已經變成雨水早已輪迴
他们说不配 也只能自卑說聲失陪

突然间你连瞒都不瞒 想也不想 就这么推翻
你连探都不探 看也不看 像与你无关

You are leaving for the last time, baby 
You want to be free and I've hurt you 
All the days spent together, I wished for better 
I didn't want the train to come
Now it's departed, I'm broken-hearted
Seems like we never started

Raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends

I'll never talk again I'll never write a song, won't even sing along
You left me speechless

Your words cut rather deeply
They are just some other lies
You seem to want to hurt me
No matter what I do

I am sitting down here but hey you can not see me
Kinda invisible you do not sense my stay
Maybe you will experience that someday

There's something something about this place
I couldn't listened to a joke or rock and roll
It is like muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart

We got a whole lot of money but we still pay rent
Cause one can't buy a house in heaven

I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Will you let me go

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

You know where you've sent her
You sure know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far

And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
But you can't hear those words

The future can't remember and the past doesn't forget...

Monday, September 5, 2011

Monti Csárdás

Not sure who the old violinist is, but his interpretation of Monti Csardas was the best I ever heard on YouTube. Every note is full of life and emotions.

The younger violinist is apparently quite famous, a Hungarian by the name of Mága Zoltán. He played really well too.

I really like the sadness at the opening of the song, it almost sound like someone is weeping. It never failed to bring tears in my eyes. I also like how there is a lot of passion, almost celebrative-like towards the later part of the song.

I wondered if it signifies a happy ending to the story…